Hospital in Pai and Chiang Mai

My hostel in Pai

My next stop after the forest Monastery was Pai. I had heard a lot about this place with its magical vibe and I was looking forward to going there. Unfortunately nothing worked out like I wanted it to and I didn't really get to experience the magic in Pai but rather the toilet from my hostel and the hospital.
Originally the plan was to take the yellow bus from the Monastery to Pai but the bus was full so we decided to hitchhike the 70 km to Pai. We were 9 people but we split up. It didn't take long until we got a ride. A very nice local in a Pick-up stopped and we jumped on the back of the truck with all the backpacks. At first I really enjoyed the ride. We four girls were sitting outside on the truck bed and Zac was inside. It was still early in the morning so the air was nice and cool.
The road from Mae Hong Son to Pai is very very windy and it goes up and down all the time. It didn't help that our lovely driver was speeding around the corners and we had to try our best not to fall off and so it didn't take long until I started feeling really sick. Usually I don't get car-sick easily but this trip was a challenge for me. For all of us.
The more we came into the mountains, the more smoke was in the air from all the recent bush fires. However we got some very scenic views on the scenery.
It was a long drive. Somehow we survived and one and a half hour later we were in Pai. When I jumped off the truck I was so relieved but literally green in my face. I would do it again though, it was a lot of fun!

Pai is a very nice place. It is like a small village in the forest but full of tourists, markets and cute little cafes and bars. There is also a lot of music, everybody is friendly and happy and it seems like everyone knows everyone. There is a nightmarket every night with delicious and cheap food and all sorts of things you can buy where we went to in the evening. There is one guy who sells super delicious bruschetta with loads of guacamole and salsa! I love avocado!
My plan was to train Muay Thai again in Pai. So on the next morning I went to my first Muay Thai session at Charn Chai Muay Thai. It was great. Like the training in Phuket it was really tough and I was sweating a lot but the gym is smaller and a bit overcrowded. The trainers are funny and they focus a lot on technique something I really appreciated.
We didn't manage do go into the same hostel together but we ended up hanging out a lot at Pai Cat Hut, the hostel where I ended up staying. We enjoyed bonfires together and I learned playing the Ukulele (well, I tried).
I was really tired after my first training session. It was hard to train so much after 10 days of meditation. I still went to the second training class in the afternoon but I had a weird feeling in my stomach and I felt like I would have to throw up. It didn't help that we had to do kicks in the stomach during training.
After the training I felt a lot worse and I had to throw up. I spent almost the whole night in the bathroom and I was feeling sick the whole next day and the day after. First I assumed I would have food poisoning but I ate pretty much the same like the others and they were completely fine.
I seriously have never felt worse in my life. Luckily all of my lovely friends took very good care of me and brought me medicine and electrolytes. I spent two days in bed instead of training. On the third day I started feeling better and so we went to the pool in Pai, a very nice place for relaxing and to cool down from the hot weather. We had at least 36°C every day. I really enjoyed the pool and I was feeling completely fine. I decided I would go and train on the next day. But when I woke up my eye lids were swollen so that I could not properly open my eyes. After I had a shower I also discovered a very itchy rash all over my body. It looked like an allergic reaction.
I felt very uncomfortable and since the hospital was only 200m away from my hostel I decided to see a doctor.
I could not belive what was going on. Why did that all happen now? Why everything at once?

I was feeling pretty bad

The hospital was just 200m away from my hostel and when we reached it there were a lot of people. Mainly Thai but also a few foreigners. I saw three girls badly hurt by motorbike accidents and I was glad that I never had an accident on a motorbike.
After I filled in all the registration details and talked to a few nurses it was time to wait. Finally it was my turn to talk to the doctor. He was a very young man and he could speak a little bit english but I could hardly understand him, mainly because of the face mask he was wearing. He ordered an injection against the rash and he also prescribed me antibiotics against the infection which I had on my stomach (just a small spot). I had to lay down on one of the hospital beds right next to all the other hurt people, there where no partitions to separate us.
While I was waiting for my injection I had time to observe the hospital. It was a very old building and nothing compared to our western standards. All the nurses were super stressed and overworked. There were a lot of patients waiting. There was also a lot of chaos, I don't know how they could find the right things because everything was a mess. The sink was also dirty and the plates where they had their instruments on looked a hundred years old. But anyway, I guess I am just a spoiled western girl with too high expectations.

Waiting in the hospital bed

Finally the nurse came to give me the injection. She did it well and it did not hurt. After the injection I was supposed to stay in the bed and they put a sign on my bed which said "Wait for symptoms after treatment". So I waited. Two men came and pushed my bed with me on top through the whole hospital into another waiting area next to the beds of two Thai ladies. I was really tired and so I fell asleep multiple times but I always woke up when someone ran against my bed (which happened quite a few times). After half an hour of half waiting half sleeping I had enough and so I got up and told the nurse I want to leave. She asked me to wait for the doctor. I also had to talk to a pharmacist to find out if I would be allergic against the medication I took when I was throwing up. He said I am not and they have no clue where the rash came from. I guess it was from the pool but I dont know because everybody else was fine. Maybe it was because my body was just super weak since I had not been eating in three days and only throwing up everything. I felt pretty weak to be honest.
Finally I could leave the hospital. The rash was completely gone and I was totally fine the whole day! I have no idea what they injected me but it worked - credit to the hospital!
I could even eat something.

So instead of training and enjoying my life in Pai I was laying in bed the whole time. I guess that was just a sign from my body that it is enough. From living 10 days in the Monastery, meditating every day and hardly training to four hours of super tough muay thai on one day was too much.
There are some borders even I can not cross.

Typical shop in Pai

New friend in Pai

By the end of the week at had recovered from the sickness, the diarrhea was gone and I was able to eat again but the spot on my stomach had grown bigger. I don't like taking medicaments so I didnt take the antibiotics but now the spot was swollen and red and it really hurt.

I took the mini van from Pai to Chiang Mai and in Chiang Mai I decided to go to the hospital again because every step hurt. 

This time the hospital was way more modern and a lot bigger. The nurses were really friendly to me and the hospital itself seemed to be a lot cleaner. 

I had an elderly female doctor and she spoke good English. She told me we have to open the wound to take all the pus out. We went to the emergency room and I had to lay down on one of the beds. I was wearing a dress and so I just lifted it up because there were only women in the room and I had already done it that way to the doctor. But one of the nurses was really shocked and pulled my dress back down.  Then she brought a blanket to cover my legs and after that I was allowed to lift my dress up... oops! 

In Pai I thought it was the worst time of my trip but Pai was nothing compared to the pain I was in at this hospital in Chiang Mai. The doctor took a scissor and jabed it right into the swollen spot. It was very red and infected and it hurt a lot. Tears were running down my face and I pressed my fingernails into my hands, trying to focus on something else but the pain. Now she started pressing. There were at least five nurses standing around me and watching her pressing the pus out of my stomach. One of the nurses held my hand and another one stroke my leg but that didn't help much. Every time the pus came out they cheered and laughed (the doctor as well). It was a very funny scene. 

It took about 15 minutes. The most painful 15 minutes of my life. I was glad I went to the hospital though because I knew it would only get worse. I spent the rest of the day in my hostel bed, unable to move.

Same procedure on the next day. Luckily most of the pus was gone and so it took only five minutes and I could leave again.

John and Saffron 

I spent the day walking around Chiang Mai with John and Saffron and we had the best vegan Khao Soy and delicious Mango-Sticky-Rice at Morning Glory, a vegan restaurant in Chiang Mai.

In the night I took a flight to Bangkok where I would spend the next few days in a hotel. I took a red car to the airport where I met Irene from Spain. She is lovely. When we reached the airport and I was just about to take the bags out of the red car, the driver suddenly started driving. He almost drove off with everything from me - I had even my passport and my wallet in my small backpack in the car. Luckily I realized it early enough and jumped back into the car, forcing him to stop. 

I reached Bangkok safely at midnight.

Wat Pa Tam Wua Forest Monastery

This was probably the hardest time of my life. Sometimes it was all about not giving up and keep going. Especially the first three days were extreme. But I made it! And retrospectively I can say it was worth the pain and I would definitely do it again.
I am talking about the 10 days I spent in the Wat Pa Tam Wua Forest Monastery, situated in the far north of Thailand right on the border to Burma, in the Mae Hong Son Province.
The minivan we took from Chiang Mai dropped us off on the road close to the Monastery. From there we had to walk one kilometer to reach this magical place.

Jess and the mini van we took from Chiang Mai

When we walked in there were many people dressed in white sweeping leaves and taking care of  the Monastery. It was a really strange sight because we weren't expecting to see such a thing. I actually have no idea what I was expecting.
My first thought was I have arrived in the nuthouse but soon after I should become one of those people, sweeping leaves very mindfully and everything would be normal for me.
Jess and I checked into our Kuti and we had just enough time for a quick shower and to change from our normal clothes into the white ones before the evening chanting started. A little bit overwhelmed and confused we reached the Dhamma Hall where everybody was sitting on a pillow on the floor and chanting some worshippings. We took our chanting books and joined the group.

The Kutis

Evening chanting

Wat Pa Tam Wua is a very open minded Forest Monastery where everybody from beginners to advanced meditation practitioners can come and join the Vipassana meditation. There are four monks living in this beautiful place and more monks are visiting so that sometimes there are eleven monks. Two of them are teaching the secrets of Samatha and Vipassana meditation.
Unlike in a city Monastery you don't have to be silent the whole time and it is okay to stay only for a few days but it is recommended to stay at least 10 days to see some results. It is also allowed to read books about meditation and buddhism and to write.
Nevertheless everybody staying at the monastery had to undertake the five precepts which are:
1. Refrain from killing or deliberately harm others
2. Refrain from taking what was not given
3. Refrain from Sexualität misconduct
4. Refrain from false speech
5. Refrain from taking intoxicants

I decided to stay 10 days and I also wanted to take it very seriously so I decided to be silent. Being silent means wearing the 'silent and happy' badge which indicates that no one can talk to you and you don't talk to anyone.

At 5am on the next morning my alarm went off. Time for morning meditation. At 6:30am one of the monks rang the bell and everybody was supposed to be in the Dhamma Hall for the rice offering. After that it was time for breakfast. The food in the Monastery was vegan. We always had rice, vegetables and tofu for breakfast.
The first group meditation session started from 8am to 10am. We started with one hour of walking meditation through the beautiful garden. Some people would wonder now, what is walking meditation? It is basically very mindful walking. We concentrate only on our steps and on the breathing, keeping the mind calm and trying not to get distracted by any thoughts. If we catch our mind thinking, we have to bring it back to the object we are focusing on until the mind is completely calm and stops thinking so that we can be in the present moment.

Rice offering to the monks in the morning

Walking meditation through the garden

After walking meditation we always switched to half an hour sitting meditation and after that laying down meditation. Every single day at least one person fell asleep during laying down meditation and started snoring.
At 11am it was lunch time after we offered food to the monks again. Lunch consisted again of rice, vegetables and tofu. Lunch was the last meal for the day.

Food offering to the monks before lunch

Laying down meditation

At 1pm the second meditation session started, again walking, sitting and laying down meditation, two hours in total. This time we would walk through the forest.
There was also a dog living at the monastery named Pui Dog, who always followed the time schedule. He would lay next to us when we were meditating and come for a walk every morning and midday. He would also howl every time when the monks rang the bell to call us to the beginning of the meditation class. He was very adorable. I bet he had reached Nirvana already considering all the meditation and mindfulness he has been practicing...

The honorable Pui Dog

After the midday meditation we had time to ask the teacher questions and at 4pm it was time to sweep the leaves in the garden. We were supposed to stay mindful and don't let 'monkey-mind' come. The Abbot called it lovingly 'monkey-mind' when the mind can't stop thinking and it jumps from one thought to the next.

Walking meditation through the forest

Pui Dog also practices walking meditation

Question time

At 6pm it was time for evening chanting and after that meditation in the dark. After that we were supposed to meditate one more hour in our room and at 9pm it was bed time.

Walking meditation in the morning - everybody is following the monks (dressed in brown/orange)

It was a lot of meditation. Especially for someone like me who has never done it before but I really enjoyed it. Particularly the morning walking meditation was my favourite. It was also no problem not to eat after 11am and I loved being in the forest far away from any temptations. I struggled with the sitting though. Even after the ten days my legs still really hurt after 20 minutes sitting crossedleg on the floor.
The teaching monk always told us 'to know'. Know that we are sitting here in Wat Tam Wua and know that our body is breathing in and breathing out. Then he wanted us to focus on our breath, breathing in we would say "Bud" to ourselves and breathing out we would say "Dho". "Buddho" means being aware and mindful. We would repeat "buddho" until the mind was calm and not distracted by any thoughts. Or any pain. We were usually sitting for 35 minutes. It was very hard for me to concentrate on the breathing, on the first day I was always falling asleep and then it was also just too easy to get caught up in thoughts. But it became easier the more I practiced.
Laying down meditation was my least favourite form of meditation. It is not only very hard to stay awake but my mind would always go crazy when I was laying down and I just could not stop thinking. On the other side there was no pain in the legs anymore..
But the toughest part for me was the isolation. Because I was wearing my "silent and happy" badge every day I completely isolated myself from the rest of the people. For me it was okay not to talk, you get used to it very quickly but only concentrating on myself and not having any contact to other people was a challenge - considering that I am a very social person.
The Dalai Lama once said "When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you might learn something new." This is so true.
I also discovered that when I don't talk to anybody, I only get the input I want to get. I choose the books I read and I listen to what the teacher has to say. No one spoils me with all the crap people usually talk during the day. All the additional information that I don't need to know. I also had the opportunity to 'sort my mind out'. I had crazy dreams at night always remembering old times.
Once before I came to the Monastery I met a woman and she told me that meditation is like sorting your files in your head and throwing everything out you don't need anymore and by that restoring space for new things. Like when your computer gets old and you go through your old files and get rid of all the files you don't need anymore. I think it is a good way to describe it.
Being silent also helped me a lot to calm my mind down. Already on the second day I realised the difference and it was more easy for me to concentrate on my breath and stay calm.
Nevertheless I struggled the whole time and especially in the beginning I was counting the days. When I read my diary now, every entry starts with "day 2 is done! Only 8 more days to go. I can do it!" I really had to motivate myself not to give up.
Every day the yellow bus came to the Monastery and wistfully I was looking at it, wishing I would be one of the people who were leaving. But I stayed. I stayed 10 days and after one week it started to get easier (maybe also because I wrote 3 instead of 7 days to go in my diary).
I also experimented a little bit, I wanted to try fasting. So I endet up having only one meal on the third and fourth day and no meal on my fifth day. This resulted in me being an absolutely over emotional and very irritable person, even the Abbot annoyed me with his otherwise very amusing talks and jokes. I felt really bad and from the next day I decided to follow the two-meals-per-day-schedule again.

The Abbot 

Breakfast time - it was always very cold in the morning

March and April is always burning season in Northern Thailand. The air was always full of smoke, sometimes more and sometimes less. On my seventh day the smoke was really strong and suddenly we could see the fire up on the hill right behind our Kutis. It was not more than a 100m away from my Kuti and I could hear, smell and see the flames. When I came back from evening chanting I could see the line flames. The flames were not big but it was a long line and it was burning down the hill towards the Monastery. The locals stayed very calm, this is normal for them. I got told that they even set the fire themselves, there are many different stories why. I couldn't do anything else but trusting the firefighter outside and going to sleep. When I woke up the next morning I was still alive (onviously) but my room was full of smoke and everything was very smelly. I know, that was not very healthy for myself.
Two days after the smoke cleared and we could even see blue sky again.

Most of my free time I used to read about meditation. I read a lot and I also learned a lot. Before I came to the Monastery I had only a vague idea of what Buddhism is and I had no clue how to practice meditation. Now I have learned and experienced so much that I know if I would have to choose a religion for myself I would choose Buddhism.
Even though I  was having the hardest time of my life and my mood would change every hour from really happy to really mad I am so glad I did these 10 days and I feel like I have discovered a whole new me. I remember how happy I was on my last day. I felt so alive but in a different way, a way I can't describe and I was so unbelievably happy. In total I was eight full days silent and I lost 6 kilogram.